Loki's Tail

Some people think that stories like the one I'm going to tell you only happened some time in the way distant past, somewhere a long, long time ago and far, far away. But that's not true at all. The gods are still around, and they still interact with people today, and there are many, many interesting stories happening everyday right under your very nose. This is one of those stories. Not that this happened under your nose, of course. But it did happen right under mine. Just last week, in fact.

You may or may not be aware that Loki is a god of mischief in the Norse pantheon, and that he is able to shape-shift into many forms. Some people think that he can't do anything today because he is imprisoned in a cave or under a mountain, suffering an eternal torture as venom is dripped constantly into his eyes. But those folk forget the nature of gods, that they are multi-dimensional. It is entirely possible to be tortuously imprisoned in one dimension while you go on having a perfectly content life elsewhere. These days, Loki is hanging out in our dimension as a six year old boy named Jack. Also known as Jack-O-Lantern, Jack-and-the-Beanstalk, Jack-Be-Nimble, and a host of other Jack-related fairy-tale type names, some of them scarier than others.

Jack has a caretaker of sorts, in part because even a god of mischief knows that hanging around populated areas as a six year old is dangerous if you don't have someone big who looks like they are taking care of you and keeping you under control. And if you are a god of mischief you need to know exactly how much control to let that guardian have so that you don't get dumped somewhere you don't want to be, thereby messing up all your fun. Sometimes, keeping a guardian happy isn't just about letting them think that they are in control, though. Sometimes it's about giving them something that brings joy into their life. It just so happens that Loki, I mean Jack, is extraordinarily good at devising just the right kind of gift for these circumstances. And as a master Maker, he can construct or forge or engineer whatever the right gift might be.

Jack's guardian's name, by the way, is Cally. It sounds kind of like the short form of the name California, as in, “I'm goin' back to Cali, to Cali, to Cali...” And, it just so happens that Cally loves to ice skate. Ice skating is one of her life's passions. She once told me that being on the ice was like flying without wings. She says that the cold, misty air that fills your lungs when you speed around the ice, losing yourself in dance, brings a certain kind of energy that follows you through the rest of your day, making even a horrible, corporate, soul-sucking job bearable.

At nearly thirty years of age, Cally had pretty much given up on skating in any kind of international competition, as she dreamed when she was a child, but she did want to compete in adult-level competitions. She worked daily to land jumps and perfect spins, to conquer her edges and prepare for the tests required of adult figure skating competitors. But, she was having some trouble. Cally, who had long been landing double jumps without trouble, suddenly lost a very simple jump – the single flip.

Now, if you aren't a skating enthusiast, this jump might sound like something that puts a skater head over heals in the air, but that is not the case. A flip is a single rotation jump that starts while skating backwards on the inside edge of one skate and tapping the ice with the toe of the other skate. The skater then launches up into the air, in what is called a back spin position, and lands backwards on the outside edge of the foot that tapped the ice with the toe at the start of the jump. For the jump to have a proper landing, the other foot must then push back behind the skater, without touching the ice, and hold an extended position while the skater's arms stop the flow of rotation by “checking” at either the 3 and 9 o'clock positions or the 11 and 3 o'clock positions, with the shoulders pressed back.

For some still unknown reason, Cally had suddenly stopped landing this jump properly and was landing every one with both feet down. She could tell from her markings on the ice that the problem started with the takeoff, where she was leaning too far in, trying to force the rotation instead of trusting gravity and precise body positioning to accomplish her spin. Even though she knew what she was doing wrong, she didn't seem to be able to stop herself from leaning at the beginning of the jump and flubbing the end. And without a single flip, she certainly couldn't make the second rotation for a double flip.

For weeks Cally worked on this one jump, over and over and over, every single day. She was working on her flip almost to the exclusion of all else. And when she would come home after a day of work and skating, she would complain about her predicament to anyone who would listen. She would stand in front of the mirror and practice a proper takeoff. She would sit still for hours with her eyes closed imagining the perfect flip jump. She would watch videos of top skaters doing the same jump. But there was no change. She still kept strong-arming her way into the air, gouging the ice with a deep inside edge and a huge toepick divot for every attempt.

And in the midst of all of this, Jack was working on being especially creative with his six year old temper tantrums. He was examining the different effects that various methods of tantrum might elicit, both in others and in himself. He found that some of the most physically gratifying outbursts were the ones that caused the most grief to others, and hence brought about some of the most unhappy consequences from those who believed that they were in charge. Sometimes it was a spanking. Sometimes it was a time out. But the very worst was when a huge and most deliciously fun outburst in a large book store resulted in the loss, for thirty whole days, of all video and computer game privileges. The problem with this punishment was not that it was too much for a tricky god, but rather that once such a punishment had been put into place, all other punishments during that month would, of necessity, be worse. And, so, it became quite clear that Loki, ahem Jack, would need to do something to defer attention from his experiments.

Cally's problem provided Jack with the perfect solution. He could get her mind off being angry with him by making her happy with herself. He got his opportunity one weekend while Cally was folding clothes in her bedroom.

“Hey, look at this! I have a new tail!” Jack exclaimed as he bounded into the room without knocking. The door was about half an inch ajar, after all, so clearly Cally must have wanted him to come in.

“Really?” Asked Cally, pretending to admire a long prehensile tail connected to the base of Jack's spine while he wiggled his backside in her general direction.

“You like it? It's blue! It's way better than the black tail I had before.”

“Where did you get the new tail?” She asked, because she knew from long experience that not playing along with these sorts of things was far more dangerous than playing along could ever be.

“My DAD of course!” This did make sense, since all imagined wonders of the universe were attributed to Jack's imaginary dad. This man lives in New Zealand, drives race cars and can jump a motorcycle over a hundred cars, has taken Jack to the moon, and knows everything there is to know about anything worth knowing at all. One of the great conveniences of not actually having a father handy is that he can be anything you want him to be. “He has a tail. All of his kids have tails. In fact, we can change tails whenever we like. He sent me a package with thirty thousand tails in it. All the colors. And all different types, too. They're awesome! But this is my favorite one. I like blue.”

She said, “Oh.” I mean, what else could she say?

“Hey! I know... Do you want a tail? Tails are really useful, you know. Maybe you could use it to help you with your jumps! When you get into the air, just wrap your tail around you and it will help you spin all the way around, and then you hold it up behind you when you land for balance.”

“That sounds like a fantastic idea,” chuckled Cally. She imagined herself jumping with monkey tail that she could use to help with rotation and balance. That would be neat, she thought, if you could do such a thing.

“Here,” Jack said as he reached into an imaginary bag and pulled out an imaginary tail by the connecting end. He handed the tail to Cally and then demonstrated how to attach and detach it properly. “You just push it in, and then turn it a half rotation. That locks it in place. To remove it, simply turn it the other direction, push in slightly till you feel the mechanism release, and then take it off.” He explained with all the authority of, well, a god who had devised the whole attachable tail system last night when he was supposed to be going to sleep.

Cally attached her tail as instructed and felt the difference immediately. There was a certain weight to the imaginary tail, a certain feel as if her muscles reached into the tail, swinging it from side to side. She could curl the tail, whip it back and forth, wrap it around her body. She looked back over her shoulder, wondering whether this was really her imagination. There was no tail visible, and yet she could feel it.

She looked over at Jack to see that he was watching her with amusement. His eyes followed the motion of her tail, as she felt it, as if he could really see it.

“What do you think?” Jack asked at last.

“It's...” She paused, wondering what to say, “It's really nice. It feels different.”

“It's a good color for you. Pink. It's a good girl color.”

“It's soft, too,” said Cally as she pretended to pull her tail through her hands. She furrowed her brow a bit as she noticed that she really could feel a certain velvety softness running across her fingers.

Jack nodded, “OK, see you later,” and off he ran to go play elsewhere.

You might think that Cally took the tail off after Jack left the room, but she didn't. Despite the fact that she could feel the tail, she still believed that it was just imaginary, and so she didn't think about the consequences of walking around with an extra appendage wagging behind her. And consequences there were.

Just about an hour after she got her new tail, Cally set out to do some errands. As she was was getting ready to go, she wasn't paying attention to what she was doing with her tail. It all started out just fine. She held the tail out behind her and it stayed out of the way. But as she rushed around, she got anxious, and pretty soon, she was wrapping the tail around herself tensely. While it was wrapped around her waist, all was fine. When she wrapped it around her eyes she ran right into a wall because she couldn't see. She thought she could, but what she was seeing was her imagination's version of the house, not the real house, and she always thought that the house was a bit bigger than it really was. Later, just as she was about to put her shoes on and head out the door, she wrapped the tail around her legs. As she reached for her shoes, she tightened the tail around her and -- Splat! Down she went.

She picked herself up and shook her head, “That's weird. I'm getting a bit accident prone, huh?”

Jack was really working hard not to laugh uproariously. He was managing his very best concerned face, and came over to rub her arm affectionately, “There, there... Feel better. I'm sorry you fell down and hurt yourself, Cally.”

“It's OK.”

“Your tail is getting in your way. You need to remember to keep it up and behind you when you are walking around.” He explained helpfully, but of course, Cally just though it was a continuation of the game that they had been playing earlier.

“Oh, yes, of course.” She responded as she imagined her tail going back into place behind her, held high as if it were a squirrel's tail instead of a monkey sort of tail.

A few minutes later they were climbing into the car. Jack climbed in to his booster seat in the back and buckled himself in while Cally stuck something in the trunk. Cally sat down in the driver's seat and figetted with a few things before reaching out to pull the door shut. Jack saw that she had left her tail partly outside and was about to say something, but she slammed the door too quickly. As the door shut with the end of her tail squeezed between the car door and the car body frame, the most amazing pain shot from the tip of her tail straight through her spine and to the base of her skull.

The look on Cally's face was of complete shock. Lights flashed in front of her eyes. Her ears began to ring. For what seemed like an eternity in her own head, she was utterly unable to move, but then she reached out with her left hand, popped open the car door and swung her legs out of the car. She sat there, with her feet on Terra firma and her head held between her hands for quite some time. The pain was slow to dissipate, and she wondered if this was some sort of bizarre stroke or what.

At last she became aware of Jack standing over her, rubbing her long auburn hair with his small hands, “I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry.” He repeated over and over again, shaking his head and looking genuinely horrified.

Cally looked up and put her arms around the boy, hugging him tightly, “Oh, dear, it's OK. It's OK. It's not your fault, sweetie. Why would you think that it's your fault?”

He was in tears now and sobbed, “I gave you your tail! I should have taught you how to use it right. If you had a tail when you were a baby, you'd know what to do, but you never had a tail before, so it's all new. And now you're hurt!!”

The ringing in her ears was dissipating, but the pain was still throbbing. Cally just held little Jack, reassuring him and comforting herself.

“You need to take it off,” He told her. “You need to take your tail off and put it in your pocket for when you need it later. If you put it in your pocket, you'll have it when you want it, even if you change your clothes.”

Cally smiled at Jack, “And what if my clothes don't have pockets?” She asked.

Jack lowered his tone to a whisper and looked around to see if anyone else might over hear the next, vital words that he was about to impart, “It doesn't matter. You aren't going to put it in your clothes' pockets anyway. You're really putting it into your soul's pocket. Those are always with you.”

“Ah,” said Caly thoughtfully nodding. She reached around behind herself to find the base of her tail. She turned it a half turn counterclockwise, pushed in a little bit until she felt the mechanism release, and then held the tail out in front of her, upside down. She stopped. A new look of shock spread across her face as she noticed that the pain, lights and ringing went away the moment that the tail had been released from its lock. She looked at Jack with new respect and wonder, “If I put my tail back on, will it just hurt the same way?”

“If you put it back on right this minute it sure will!” He answered with the most serious tone of warning he could muster as a six year old. “But, if you let it sit in your pocket for a bit, it will heal up just fine, and then you can wear it, no troubles.” He punctuated this last sentence with a sweep of his two hands outward, palms held downward, as if to show that everything would be wiped clean.

“Well, alright, then. I'll remember that.”

It was quite a few days before the tail subject came up again. Cally was still working on her flip without much luck, and Jack was still going about his explosive experiments, but the tail subject just didn't enter conversation. On Thursday, however, Cally took Jack to the ice rink for an evening session. Jack loves to skate, too, though he doesn't do any of the things that Cally does. Mostly he chases after girls in the 4 to 24 age range, charming them with his freckles and endearing conversational skills. He works on some tricks here and there on the ice, though, because he has found that those really impress the chicks.

During a break from all the chatting up of pretty things and practicing his wicked backward one foot glide, Jack sat in the judges' box by the side of the ice and watched Cally skate. She had been doing some of her spins and some foot work for a while, and that's always fun to watch, but just now she was returning to her old nemesis, the flip jump. Cally would skate around the rink, set up the jump, take off crooked and two foot land it everytime. Each time, as she was coming toward the three turn that would set her onto her back edge for takeoff, Jack could almost read Cally's thoughts. She was desperately trying to imagine perfection, but it just wasn't coming. So, Jack decided to remind Cally about her tail.

“Cally!” He called, and she skated over to him. “Why don't you try it with your tail,” he whispered.

Cally looked thoughtfull and nodded. On the one side she thought she would look silly standing here by the edge of the rink pretending to connect a tail to her backside in front of god and everybody. On the other side, she knew from experience that the tail had a powerful psychological effect on her. (She still hadn't quite grasped that the tail was real, you know. That's how people are these days. If that's not silliness at work, I don't know what is.) So, she decided to take the chance.

Cally reached into an imaginary pocket and found the connecting end of her tail. She pulled the tail all the way out of the pocket and held it out in front of her as if admiring it's color for Jack's benefit, “You chose an excellent tail. I like pink,” she nodded for effect. She put the tail up to it's spot at the base of her spine and pushed it into place, turning it a half turn until it clicked to let her know that it was locked on.

She hesitated for a moment, wondering if that clicking sound was loud enough to echo through the rink, then shook her head and smiled at Jack. Jack smiled back.

“Go try it. Remember, keep the tail up and away from your legs and feet. Wrap it around you in the air for rotation. Extend it up and out behind you for balance on the landing.”

Cally skated out, came around the end of the rink and set up her jump so that she could take off in the dead center of the ice surface. She got ready, turned, held the back edge, and jumped! And landed flat on her butt.

Jack beckoned her back over to the judges box for a consultation.

“Oh, I should have realized, you need to stretch the tail out before you jump, too. After the turny thing, hold it out straight behind you to make sure that you don't lean into the take off. Just hold that tail straight as an arrow until you get up into the air, OK? Then quickly whip it around yourself and hold it tight until you land. Got it?”

“OK. Got it.” Cally treated Jack's comments as if they were coming from her coach. She understood that even if the tail wasn't real, the visualization of the tail would help her adjust body positions. So, off she skated to try again.

Around the rink, and into the set up. The three turn, the checked back edge and her tail was held taught behind her. Then she tapped the ice and lifted into the air straight up. She whipped her tail around so hard that it spun her around quite a bit faster than she had intended. She turned one, two, three full revolutions, before landing. As she landed, with the biggest grin on her face ever, she remembered to extend her free leg out and hold her tail up and out behind her to balance.

All eyes were on her. More than half of the rink had seen it. She had just done a triple flip. After all these months of under-rotated, two foot landed, forced and flubbed single flips, Cally just landed a triple!

Cally sped over to the judges box, scooped up Jack across the barrier and gave him the biggest bear hug ever.

The half of the people in the rink who hadn't seen the jump were buzzing, talking to the half that had. Everyone wanted to know if it was real. One parent by the side of the ice had been taping the whole thing. He had been videoing his kids, but every so often had turned the camera on Cally because everyone loves to watch figure skaters. It just so happened that he had the camera on her exactly as she had gone into that tripple jump.

The man walked over to the judges' box with his camera, “You want to see it?”

Cally just nodded enthusiastically.

The man pressed a few buttons on his camera, flipped out the view screen, and the tape began to roll. There were some kids hobbling along on the rink, chasing after each other, and then there was a blur of pink. The camera panned in the direction that the pink had shot, and there was Cally, with a faint, pink tail out behind her. Cally covered her mouth with both hands and her eyes popped out like saucers. You could actually SEE the tail!

The man scowled and said, “That's weird, something must have gotten onto the lens,” as if that would explain why Cally had a pink tail in the video.

They watched as she set up the jump, took off, spun three times around, and landed the most perfectly beautiful jump she had ever done.

The man gave her a congratulatory thump on the shoulder and shook his head, “That was just fantastic.”

“Thanks.” Cally couldn't stop smiling. Her face beamed with pride and with amazement. It was true. She really did have a tail. And she really did land that jump. That was so cool. That was so weird. That was so... unbelievable!

When the man was out of earshot, Cally leaned over to whisper to Jack conspiratorially. “What am I going to do? I can't compete with this tail! It'll show up in the videos.”

Jack wasn't about to point out that wearing a tail in competition would give her an unfair advantage. That's justs not the way Norse gods think, after all. But he did know that Cally was right. It wouldn't do for the world to see her prehensile pink tail on the Skating Channel when she competed in adult championship competitions. Jack turned his head to the side, and scanned his mind with his eyes tilted up toward the ceiling.

“You could probably use the tail as a training tool. It'll help you with your posture and your muscle memory. Then, when you have a jump down, just take the tail off and practice without the tail a bit. When you compete, just leave the tail in your pocket. No one will know your secret training tool.” He straightened his head up and nodded, knowing that he had hit on the perfect solution.

“Well, OK,” said Cally with a wink. She leaned over and kissed Jack on the top of the head before skating off to practice some more jumps.

Cally hasn't had the chance to compete since she got her tail, but she's going to be skating at Sectionals very soon. I have a strong feeling that she'll be skating in this year's Adult Nationals. Who knows how far she'll go?